Glad to hear that you did not give up after a first, not so great experience. There’s more to BDSM than whips and chains and you describe that very nicely here!

I invite you to read my two pieces on my own exploration and journey, they may resonate as you go through yours:

https://link.medium.com/aGzWhMehYS

https://link.medium.com/s6urKUfhYS