I can relate to your story on every bit, plus minus the timeline. I am currently struggling with the hard task of realizing some of the things you mention:
-I was erase but yet can’t erase my friend
-I’ve overcome much harder losses, yet, I can’t seem to find the reason why I can’t overcome this one
-I’m afraid of losing me, because I already feel I lost much of me
-But I realize what I had with this friend was because I MYSELF took an active part in that friendship too
-And that I was who I was because of who I am
Part of the challenge is being kind to ourselves and accepting our feelings, letting time do the healing and let the process flow the way it needs to flow.
Great writing, and while I don’t wish the same to others, it’s comforting to see others face similar challenges and have the power to come out to the bright side.